1. A/S/L?

In the year’s previous thirteen questions, I assumed A/S/L meant something it did not. I have now come
to the conclusion, after much introspective thought, that A/S/L is in actuality a name comparison system.
Allow me to elaborate. If someone asks you A/S/L? I would assume they are inquiring which name you enjoy the best: Anthony, Simon, or Landon.
Of course, now that I think about it, I can assume A/S/L also means Atomic Sexy Legs. That would be…hmmm…
Now that I think about it again, we can all assume that A/S/L means Annihilate Semitic Last-Names.
Now that I think about it again, A/D/T!
Assumptions are a Dangerous Thing. Landon?

2. What Instrument(s) are you responsible for in Shapiro?

I am Shapiro’s electric guitarist. I play the electric guitarist. He’s not very heavy, and
he stays in tune nicely. The only problem is the biting. I have to keep my hand away from his mouth.

3. If you could take a paid trip to anywhere, where would it be/what would you do there?

Heaven, definitely. I’d walk down the golden sidewalks of Main St. in the beautiful
City of Zion, look up and find the tallest celestial building I could. According to Christianity, getting to heaven is free. Therefore, with the stockpile of cash I saved by dying, I would proceed to bribe an angel into flying up to the tippy-top of this praise inducing tower and stealing the giant ruby that is encrusted there.
With the giant ruby and whatever cash I had left in my pockets, I would bribe God to resurrect me from the dead. Right before I lived again, I’d give Jesus a farewell hug and pluck a single platinum hair from his head.
Once I was up and out of the grave, I would tell everyone what had happened, and show them Jesus’ hair.
But no one would believe me. After awhile, in order to maintain a sense of order in my life, I’d probably join
the police force, and start a ministry to tell my resurrection story in great detail. Eventually, I would probably try to run for mayor or governor or something like that, even though I was completely crazy.

4. Do you like candy, and if so, do you like it enough to accept it from a stranger?

Depends. What is the candy and who is the stranger? Is the stranger you? Is the stranger me?
Am I handing candy to myself?

5. Books or Movies? Any preference?

I believe that film can be one of the most powerful forms of art. A great movie can affect the life
of a person that wouldn’t be caught dead reading the book a film was based off of.
However, given the choice, I would read before I watched. Reading is great for your literary skills
and boosting creativity. Watching a movie is only great for you if it’s great, and nine times out
of ten what you’re watching is crap. Kill the T.V.! Let’s enjoy the rain!

6. Where do you see yourself in the next ten minutes?

Playing music with some good friends of mine.

7. There’s a smell wafting through the air, it’s your favorite scent. What is it?

Essence of Sophie. Which consists of Coffee induced B.O. and farts that smell like bad eggs.

8. Will robots play a big part in the future of Shapiro?

The question is: Once robots can play music, do you think there will be a need for a future of Shapiro?

9. What band/genre of music do you feel you personally associate the most with?

Folk/Rock. These two genres have the potential to be very effective and meaningful to me.
Spiritual. Real. Simple, straight-forward, heartfelt. Creative music fused from the depths of the soul.
I hate questions like number nine. Pigeon-holing. Deceiving. I think I can associate with many many different genres of music. When I say,” Rock?” You say…….”Rap-Rock!” GOOD LORD!

10. Only one restaurant exists in the entire universe. What is it?

How about, only one restaurant exists in the entire universe and you can eat there for free?
In that case…
Osaka. It’s sushi. It’s delicious. It’s expensive. I didn’t pay for it.

11. If you could listen to music on any type of medium, which would it be and why?

I would listen to music on a wide array of Crayola Crayons. What does the color blue sound like?
What about red? Can you taste the sound of Macaroni and Cheese? How shocking is the music of Shocking Pink? Who wouldn’t want to rock out to a Jazzberry Jam? Escape in the mind-blowing experience that is Inch Worm. Not that I care what it sounds like, I just want to say Purple Pizzazz. Purple Pizzazz.

12. You’re at a dock along the shore of the Chesapeake Bay, a cruise ship from the future
appears in front of you carrying future people who are partying hard. What are they wearing,
what are they drinking, what are they jamming out to, and would you join them?

I would assume that in order for me to realize that this ship was from the future, it would have a banner
for a Class of 2137 high school reunion cruise, or be floating in a giant bubble. The depressing realization
about the latter of the two of these possibilities: If the ship were in a giant bubble, I would not be able
to view, hear, or join the shiparty by standing on the dock. I would need a cigarette bubble to ride out
on. Not that I would necessarily need a bubble with that much throttle just to get a few hundred yards to the future ship, but it would be nice. I mean, I don’t want to be the laughing stock of the alumni of the 10th grade of the future. If I just showed up in a weenie bubble ski? Or a sail bubble? What kind of impression would that be making? Not cool. As well, if it were really windy, I might not make it to the
future-ship at all. Which would be upsetting.

13. If you were a wild west outlaw of old, about to be hung by the neck until dead, what would be your final words?

” Havin’ a good gun ain’t near as important as havin’ a good horse. Or a good set a legs. Ya ain’t much of a outlaw if ya run outta bullets and ya can’t run.”